'Say to those with fearful hearts'

Hi, I'm Tayo, from Tufts.

The eating part of the fast was very hard at the beginning, and I fell quite a few times, but after a few days my spirit just calmed down and accepted what I am supposed to be eating. I have now felt encouraged to keep the fast even if it has meant that, when I have no time to prepare what is acceptable, I do not eat much. This isn't the point of my post, but I thought I would just put that out there in case someone else has fallen, too. You're not alone :)

For someone who is practically addicted to secular entertainment, it has been quite a change to be free of it. I have not broken that part of the fast, and I can't believe what a difference it has made. I would be in the middle of studying, listening to Christian music, and I would just put down my books, get on my knees, and pray and cry to God. I actually had to stop listening to Christian music during my most intense study sessions, because it was likely that I would begin to cry again. So what I have been doing is setting aside time to do nothing but listen to Christian music. My crying during this fast has reached somewhat unprecedented levels, which would be embarrassing if I didn't feel sure that God was pouring something out of me, emptying me so that I could be filled with Him and the peace and revelations He has prepared for me. It's like a cloud has been lifted and I can see clearly how desperate I have been to be closer to God. I didn't even know how bad it was, because I was too distracted.

A friend texted me this morning with a Bible verse, which I am so grateful for because it talks about the state I have been in--filled with anxiety and fear. I still feel God working on this part of me, hence all the tears, maybe? It was Isaiah 35:4 --

New International Version (©1984)
say to those with fearful hearts, "Be strong, do not fear; your God will come, he will come with vengeance; with divine retribution he will come to save you."

New American Standard Bible (©1995)
Say to those with anxious heart, "Take courage, fear not. Behold, your God will come with vengeance; The recompense of God will come, But He will save you."

Bible in Basic English
Say to those who are full of fear, Be strong and take heart: see, your God will give punishment; the reward of God will come; he himself will come to be your saviour.

I know I'm not the only one who becomes afraid easily, afraid of 'failing in the Christian life'. As I was reading in some of the other blog posts, it seems too easy to go wrong and to cross that thin line, and in my own experience, I've learnt that it takes practically no time to go from a strong Christian to one that seems to have fallen. The human heart is weak and unable to resist the temptations that befall us, but God is our strength and our portion forever. If we constantly rely on Him, and dwell in Him, He will never forsake us and will never allow us to die (?). I wasn't going to use that particular word, but somehow I feel that that is what I was supposed to write. Hope you understand :)

God bless and keep you all <3

Tayo